Vampires in the Lemon Grove

Book Details
Author: Karen Russell
Published: February 12th, 2013
Pages: 243 (Hardcover)
Genre: Horror, Short Stories

"There are twenty-two stalls in the Barn. Eleven of the stabled horses are, as far as Rutherford can ascertain, former presidents of the United States of America."

Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell contains eight short stories, including the title story. Each story has a very different flavour to it, ranging from pure horror to silly fantasies.

The title story is centered around two vampires in a lemon grove in Italy, trying to overcome the thirst for blood and the stereotypes portrayed on the silver screen.

Reeling for the Empire tells the story of several young women from Japan who have been bamboozled into drinking poisoned tea and working themselves to death for the good of the Empire. In true revolutionary spirit, they seize the means of production and seek to free themselves.

In The Seagull Army Descends on Strong Beach, 1979 a young man watches his brother woo the girl of his dreams and finds pieces of the future in the nest of seagulls.

Proving Up is a dark story about making it in the West (Nebraska, specifically). With undertones of greed and horror, this particular story centers around a single pane of glass and an eleven year old boy on a mission.

The Barn at the End of Our Term is a fanciful story about eleven former presidents who have been reincarnated as horses. Key among them is Rutherford B Hayes, desperate to find his beloved Lucy amongst the sheep.

Dougbert Shackleton's Rules for Antarctic Tailgating is a silly story centered around the legendary "Food Chain Games" and how to survive the Tailgating beforehand. Go team Krill!

The New Veterans tells the story of Beverly, a massage therapist; Derek, a war veteran, and his full back tattoo commemorating the tragic death of his compatriot.

The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis in, probably the most disturbing, story four teenagers come across a scarecrow hung up in their local park. Bit by bit they realize it is made in the image of a missing classmate that they bullied relentlessly.

Thoughts
When I first was reading the jacket cover of this book it didn't click with me that some of these stories might be horrifying. So, imagine my surprise when I come across "Reeling for the Empire" or "Proving Up." Completely thrown for a loop.

The first story is odd, but not scary. Clyde and Magreb are interesting vampires and their lemon obsession is an interesting twist on classic portrayals of blood suckers. Not scary though. Just odd and beautifully written.

"Reeling for the Empire" is where things got weird for me. My first thought while reading it was "what the f--- am I reading?" Which was quickly followed by a thought on the similarity of this story to a short film I saw based on the writing of Edogawa Rampo (Rampo Noir if you're curious about the movie). What was most interesting about that story for me was the revolution and seizure of the means of production. Aka: Themselves. They are the means and when they take themselves back, set themselves free, it's fascinating.

I didn't really like "The Seagull Army Descends on Strong Beach, 1979." Birds weird me out to begin with, but they also weren't particularly integral to the story. They seemed like a cheap plot device and nothing was exactly explained. All I had to go on was the anger of the main character and his odd passions. Not to mention his lust for his brother's girlfriend and weird pieces of the future that end up in the seagull's nest but are never explained fully.

"Proving Up" reminded me of an episode of Supernatural. We're talking first season, when it was good, but that's a different blog post. The story is centered around an eleven year old boy (Miles) and a plate glass window. As part of the Homestead Act (this is actually true by the way) "Uncle Sam" dictated the construction of houses built by frontier families. And to "prove up" (to gain legal claim of the land they were on) you had to have one glass window. Well, out of all the settlers in their area, only Miles' family has a window. And they lend it to their neighbours so that they can "prove up." I actually really liked this story. It was the first story I've read centered around a window. And it had a touch of the Donner Party story to it.

"The Barn at the End of Our Term" was my favourite story in this collection. Horses are my favourite animals (besides cats, for obvious reasons) and the author went out of her way to collect the oddest presidents for it. Such as Rutherford B Hayes, Martin Van Buren, James Garfield, Woodrow Wilson and Warren G Harding. While the presidents try to figure out whether they are in heaven or hell, Rutherford B Hayes is just trying to figure out whether or not this almost blind sheep is his beloved wife, Lucy. Rutherford doesn't care about the politics of the barnyard, nor does he care whether it's heaven or hell, he just misses his wife. It was a super sweet story and I loved every moment of it.

I hated "Rules for Antarctic Tailgating." I thought it was boring and pointless. And ridiculous to boot. Obviously Krill are always going to lose to Whales. This is how the world works. Apparently the narrator of this story doesn't understand that. Maybe that makes me like his ex-wife, but seriously, how ridiculous. I really, truly hated this story. And would not read it again unless someone paid me a million dollars.

"The New Veterans" was also not a favourite of mine. I liked the concept, but the story fell short for me. The idea is that Beverly is able to heal Derek by manipulating his tattoo. Which is intriguing! Manipulating tattoos and healing? Awesome! How it worked out? Not awesome! She doesn't heal Derek, she breaks him and herself. She's not just manipulating the tattoo. She's manipulating his memories and that didn't jive with me.

The final story, "The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis," was eerie and so interestingly written. And possibly the scariest story in the book. Though it's difficult to explain why I found it frightening. Pieces of Eric's scarecrow go missing through out the story, there is an albino rabbit named Saturday (or Miss Molly Mouse depending), four disturbed boys and Eric himself. I don't know why, but this story really struck a chord in me and it's difficult to explain. But it alternatively made me sick to my stomach and entranced. The cruelty of children always unnerves me. But especially in this story.

Rating
I gave this book a 5 out of 5 on Goodreads, but in retrospect it deserves more of a 4 or a 3.5.

So for our rating I'll give it a 7 out of 10. A couple of reasons for this is because I really only enjoyed 5 of the 8 stories presented and there was some problematic language (i.e. ableist language).

This book is rated R for disturbing images, problematic language, bullying, adult language and adult situations.

I would not recommend this book to children under the age of 16 or 17, people who think that Krill can win against Whales, people easily offended by cursing or sex scenes and people who don't like horror.

However, if you like horror stories, know that Whales will always win against Krill because they are Krill for pete's sake, you think Rutherford B Hayes as a horse sounds intriguing or just need something interesting to read for a few hours, I'd definitely suggest it!